DeletedUser
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Hedgehogs are little, evil, balls of hatered for everything that you hold dear. Exhibit A) A group of hedgehogs, properly known as a 'Pack', was spotted, making their way east in England, soon after, this report was filed:
"A rogue group of hedgehogs have started to savagely attack people across the South East of England. It seems that one flock/herd/(whatever you call a group of hedgehogs) has gone beserk and started attacking everything that moves.
The picture shows what happened when a cat encountered one of the insane hedgehogs. Merely seconds after this picture was taken the cat was literally shredded by the crazed hedgehog.
So far there have been ten reported serious injuries and one death. The dead man, whose name is Robert Polsen was described as 'A complete wanker' and 'No great loss to society' by his close friends.
These events have caused great confusion among animal rights activists. Some are saying that the Hedgehogs should be killed to protect other wildlife whilst others are saying that these unique animals should be preserved. As per usual in these cases nobody cares about the people who have been injured but as soon as one cat gets shredded everyone is up in arms.
We managed to get an interview with leading Hedgehog expert Professor Irvine Smith.
DFTFC: Is this sort of behaviour common in Hedgehogs?
Professor Irvine Smith: Although it is greatly undocumented this is quite common. What happens is that a flock of hedgehogs will see one too many of their group getting killed on the roads. Then they just go on an insane killing spree.
DFTFC: So why don't we hear more about this in the news
PIS: Well usually only a couple of people get hurt and the BBC manages to cover it up. But this time a cat got shredded so the truth was bound to get out.
DFTFC: How exactly do the hedgehogs attack other animals
PIS: Well some of them curl into balls and then fire themselves at people. Others will use primitive hand weapons like clubs, spears or missile launchers.
DFTFC: Oh. I didn't realised hedgehogs were that advanced.
PIS: Oh yes. Some of them are cunning little bustards.
DFTFC: Are you sure you're a hedgehog expert?
PIS: Oh yes. Look I have a special badge.
DFTFC: Alright then, how many legs do hedgehogs have
PIS: Five. No I mean six. It's six isn't it.
DFTFC: That's crap. You have no idea what a hedgehog is, do you?
PIS: No, I admit it. I only agreed to do this interview for the money.
DFTFC: But we're not paying you.
PIS: Oh Shit!
DFTFC: Look this is a very serious subject, a cat has been shredded. I think you should apologise to all our readers.
PIS: Sorry.
DFTFC: Say it properly.
PIS: I'm very, very sorry.
DFTFC: Right, now get out of our office before we call the police.
We'd like to thank Professor Smith as we are legally obliged to."
-Source
Are we going to take this sitting down, B/OT/A? Are we going to let these.. these.. THINGS! kill us, and our cats? Are we going to let them occupy our crawlspaces, our attics, our microphones. Are we going to allow them to slowly kill us off, so slowly that we barely see it coming? I should think not!
I, for one, am scared. I'm scared for our children, our women, because we all know that there are more women and children in the world than there are men, and that those women and children need protecting... From big strong men, like us! But, how are we to protect them? It's a little known fact that hedgehogs outnumber humans by nearly 3.4:1. That means, that since there are nearly six billion humans, there are over eighteen billion hedgehogs, all not only willing, but hoping, aswell, to kill a human. Without mercy, without pitty, they will kill us all, they will destroy our civilization, and kill our pets. Can you sit by, idly, playing your game set in the middle ages, while this Menace runs amuk, plotting against you?
You Can Not, You Should Not, You Shall Not!
So what will you do, Generic Forum User? Will you start a campaign against these creatures, telling of their intentions, with your friends and community? We all know that this will go unheard. We must take military action! Mobilize our various weaponry towards the betterment of all of our species, towards the future, NEY! the survival of the human race. Without said actions, what will be left? A few survivors, huddling in front of a fire, in a cage, at a zoo for these Hedgehogs, as they laugh at what is the last of humanity, laughing at our lack of spikes, our disproportionate noses, our inability to curl into a proper ball.
Are you with me, B/OT/A? Are you willing to stand with me, against these Hedgehogs, to fight them, to hate them, to kill every last one of them, until they wish they had never thought of betraying us. Until they pleed for mercy, in their little hedgehog language, and we crush their skulls, beneith our very feet?
Are you with me?
"A rogue group of hedgehogs have started to savagely attack people across the South East of England. It seems that one flock/herd/(whatever you call a group of hedgehogs) has gone beserk and started attacking everything that moves.
The picture shows what happened when a cat encountered one of the insane hedgehogs. Merely seconds after this picture was taken the cat was literally shredded by the crazed hedgehog.
So far there have been ten reported serious injuries and one death. The dead man, whose name is Robert Polsen was described as 'A complete wanker' and 'No great loss to society' by his close friends.
These events have caused great confusion among animal rights activists. Some are saying that the Hedgehogs should be killed to protect other wildlife whilst others are saying that these unique animals should be preserved. As per usual in these cases nobody cares about the people who have been injured but as soon as one cat gets shredded everyone is up in arms.
We managed to get an interview with leading Hedgehog expert Professor Irvine Smith.
DFTFC: Is this sort of behaviour common in Hedgehogs?
Professor Irvine Smith: Although it is greatly undocumented this is quite common. What happens is that a flock of hedgehogs will see one too many of their group getting killed on the roads. Then they just go on an insane killing spree.
DFTFC: So why don't we hear more about this in the news
PIS: Well usually only a couple of people get hurt and the BBC manages to cover it up. But this time a cat got shredded so the truth was bound to get out.
DFTFC: How exactly do the hedgehogs attack other animals
PIS: Well some of them curl into balls and then fire themselves at people. Others will use primitive hand weapons like clubs, spears or missile launchers.
DFTFC: Oh. I didn't realised hedgehogs were that advanced.
PIS: Oh yes. Some of them are cunning little bustards.
DFTFC: Are you sure you're a hedgehog expert?
PIS: Oh yes. Look I have a special badge.
DFTFC: Alright then, how many legs do hedgehogs have
PIS: Five. No I mean six. It's six isn't it.
DFTFC: That's crap. You have no idea what a hedgehog is, do you?
PIS: No, I admit it. I only agreed to do this interview for the money.
DFTFC: But we're not paying you.
PIS: Oh Shit!
DFTFC: Look this is a very serious subject, a cat has been shredded. I think you should apologise to all our readers.
PIS: Sorry.
DFTFC: Say it properly.
PIS: I'm very, very sorry.
DFTFC: Right, now get out of our office before we call the police.
We'd like to thank Professor Smith as we are legally obliged to."
-Source
Are we going to take this sitting down, B/OT/A? Are we going to let these.. these.. THINGS! kill us, and our cats? Are we going to let them occupy our crawlspaces, our attics, our microphones. Are we going to allow them to slowly kill us off, so slowly that we barely see it coming? I should think not!
I, for one, am scared. I'm scared for our children, our women, because we all know that there are more women and children in the world than there are men, and that those women and children need protecting... From big strong men, like us! But, how are we to protect them? It's a little known fact that hedgehogs outnumber humans by nearly 3.4:1. That means, that since there are nearly six billion humans, there are over eighteen billion hedgehogs, all not only willing, but hoping, aswell, to kill a human. Without mercy, without pitty, they will kill us all, they will destroy our civilization, and kill our pets. Can you sit by, idly, playing your game set in the middle ages, while this Menace runs amuk, plotting against you?
You Can Not, You Should Not, You Shall Not!
So what will you do, Generic Forum User? Will you start a campaign against these creatures, telling of their intentions, with your friends and community? We all know that this will go unheard. We must take military action! Mobilize our various weaponry towards the betterment of all of our species, towards the future, NEY! the survival of the human race. Without said actions, what will be left? A few survivors, huddling in front of a fire, in a cage, at a zoo for these Hedgehogs, as they laugh at what is the last of humanity, laughing at our lack of spikes, our disproportionate noses, our inability to curl into a proper ball.
Are you with me, B/OT/A? Are you willing to stand with me, against these Hedgehogs, to fight them, to hate them, to kill every last one of them, until they wish they had never thought of betraying us. Until they pleed for mercy, in their little hedgehog language, and we crush their skulls, beneith our very feet?
Are you with me?